You guys, Shia LaBeouf is the worst.
At first, I thought his complete mental derailment was kind of funny. The idiot plagiarizes from Daniel Clowes (the genius behind Ghost World, among other great works) and then gets super flustered and pouty when people call him out for it. Then he apologizes for plagiarizing…with a series of plagiarized apologies. Then he declares he’s not famous anymore and lets everyone know how serious he is by skywriting his new anti-fame stance. Because, of course. Skywriting. Since then, he’s been posting half-sane manifestos and plagiarizing tweets in between reminding us that he no longer wants our attention. Really, you guys. He’s not famous anymore. Really.
I guess because even not-famous people have to promote their upcoming films, Shia spent the weekend making a spectacle of himself yet again. At a press conference for his latest film, Nymphomaniac, a reporter asked him a question – something about what it’s like to do a movie with so many sex scenes. Now, granted, this isn’t the most thought provoking question in the history of journalism. This reporter didn’t really have to dig deep. But it’s my opinion that, if you do a movie called Nymphomaniac and it’s got more than five hours of unrated material, you have to accept the probability of a couple of questions about the sex scenes, ya know?
Of course, Shia was having none of it. He said, “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much,” and then left the stage. See, because Shia is the trawler? And the media are the seagulls? THEY ARE HUNGRY! HUNGRY FOR SHIA’S SOUL! What was that sound? Oh, it was my eyes rolling into the back of my skull permanently. Lord.
Later the same day, Shia showed up on the red carpet of the German premiere of Nymphomaniac with a bag on his head. Declaring what? You guessed it: he’s not famous anymore. Note the barcode in the corner of the bag – a nice touch, I think. Now would everybody please leave him alone? He’s not looking for your attention. Nope. Not at all.