I have a secret confession: I watch Reign. Okay, I don’t just watch it. I enjoy it. I look forward to it, even! And you know what? I’m not sorry. Watching Reign is like reading a juicy historical romance novel, except it is even more historically inaccurate than the most poorly written paperback you can find. It’s probably the most historically inaccurate thing I’ve ever seen, actually. It’s like if someone just completely made up everything that happened in sixteenth century Europe and then made a TV show about it. I think Lord of the Rings was actually more aligned with European history and that story had dragons and hobbits and didn’t even take place in Europe. But you get my point. Kids, do not watch Reign and try to learn things. Mary, Queen of Scots never did any of that. Neither did King Henry. Or Francis. Or Catherine de’ Medici or, sheesh, Nostradamus. No one did any of that, ever! It is so very much not history. But boy is it fun. And Bash, am I right? So pretty. So yeah, I watch Reign. Sorry not sorry.
One of the things I enjoy most about Reign is it’s complete lack of propriety. Apparently sixteenth century France was not a very proper place to live. In its pilot, the show was forced to edit a female masturbation scene so it could pass through the censors. Now they’re in trouble with the censors again – but this time, they’re putting the unaired footage online for everyone to, ahem, enjoy. In this week’s episode, two sex scenes will take place – one at the beginning of the episode, and another at the end. They have both been shortened so that they can pass through the network’s standards department. These cuts will air at the show’s regular time on The CW. Then on Friday morning, a “more sexually intense edit” will be available to stream on the CW website. Though the network didn’t say who the sex scenes involve, I figure that at least one of them includes Mary – but is it with Francis or Bash?