Part Two of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion brought more eyerolls than usual. Maybe it’s because they shoot reunion footage for like, 36 straight hours and then divide it into parts, but I don’t know, man. They are reaching for material. There were about fifteen too many minutes of Kyle and Carlton fighting. At one point, it just went, “Yes it was.” “No, it wasn’t.” “It was.” “It wasn’t.” Fascinating. Let’s revisit some of the more noteworthy (and groan-inducing) moments:
Most unnecessary montage: Watching the women work out. We get it, Beverly Hills. Hot bodies. Skinny ladies. Yep.
Most related depressing moment: Watching Yolanda smell the basket of bread because she misses carbs so much. That’s just sad. Eat a roll, for God’s sake. Just eat a roll.
Best sick burn: When discussing plastic surgery, Brandi mentioned that she didn’t want to get a face lift because she didn’t want to look like “that person that got fired from the show.” Oh snap. Take that, Adrienne. Brandi is still talking sh*t and you just got Maloofed (I don’t know what that means, but it sounded funny in my head).
Moment that I wanted to smack Joyce the most: “I got bullied for being too skinny,” she said, and then later they show a clip of her like, “I just eat and eat and I don’t gain any weight!” Joyce, shut up. No one likes people who say that.
Moment that I actually sided with Kyle: Kyle’s entire feud with Carlton is so weird, because obviously Kyle is a hideous human being. But Carlton is weirdly defensive about being Wiccan and she was overly critical of everything Kyle said. Carlton is definitely one of those people who picks and chooses who she wants to be offended by – Brandi can say anything to her and it’s hilarious, but Kyle can’t get a word in without being called a name. It’s super strange, especially since I don’t think Kyle Richards is actually smart enough to be as calculated and conniving as Carlton seems to think she is.
Best “Lost In Translation” moment: “What means goad?” Oh, Yo.
Thing I’m most sick of hearing about: OH MY GOD, KIDS GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL. Lord, move on. How much do we have to talk about this totally ordinary and completely normal life event that happens to just about everyone. Related: Kim, Lisa didn’t want to go to your daughter’s graduation party, CAN WE MOVE ON ABOUT THIS PLEASE. I’m sure your daughter didn’t want some eccentric rich old British lady at her party, anyway. Then again…
Best moment of real talk: When Lisa mentions that Kim missed Pandora’s wedding as well: “I missed a huge f*cking chunk of my life and my kids’ lives and I’m sorry if I missed a party or two.” Tell it, Kim.
Saddest flashback: No matter what you think about her, watching Brandi lose her dog is heartbreaking.
Thing I’m most looking forward to in the Reunion Part 3: Brandi giving it to Lisa about being friends with Scheana Marie.