Hey, did you guys call Adam Levine last night? Did you, did you? Hello, Adam Levine, is your refrigerator running? Well, you’d better go catch it! If you’re too young to get that joke, I feel kind of sorry for you. The art of the prank phone call is truly dead. However, you can still prank your buddies by posting their personal cell phone number publicly on Twitter. Whee! Oh Blake Shelton, you drunk trickster, you.
I’m sorry to say that Blake’s cell phone mayhem was basically the most interesting thing that happened last night on The Voice. I don’t know what it was about the top ten, but their performances were pretty dull, in my opinion. There were a few exceptions, of course, but the whole show felt off last night. Shakira seemed distracted, Usher rambled, Adam seemed actually angry about his phone number and well, Blake was even more Blake than usual. It was strange. There was a vibe, you know? Maybe that’s why the vocals lacked oomph to me, or maybe they just weren’t very good. Regardless, the top ten performed for America’s votes, so let’s talk about it.
First up was Team Adam’s Kat Perkins, who is strangely becoming my new pick for the finals. She sang another classic rock song, this time “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. Adam went on about bringing the song to a new generation, but I find it hard to believe that any generation exists that’s not familiar with “Landslide.” It’s just so covered, right? But Kat’s rendition was beautiful and felt fresh. I would like to see her do a modern rock song next week, though. Just, you know, for sh*ts and giggles.
Tess Boyer was next and man, this poor girl. I really thought she was onto something when she sang “Human” a few weeks ago, but she’s not doing herself any favors with songs like last night’s “Ain’t It Fun.” Why on earth is she singing a Paramore song? Shakira sucks at song choices, you guys. This was totally not in Tess’s wheelhouse and I think she’s going to go home for it. Another snoozer was Audra McLaughlin. Maybe it’s just because I hate Reba. Because I do, man. I really hate Reba. Audra sang “You Lie” and it sounded fine, but I wasn’t into it.
You know what else I am not into? Giving Josh Kaufman the most horribly outdated, garbage song ever. “This Is It” by Kenny Loggins? Really, Usher? Really?! I don’t care if it’s a difficult song to sing, or that it demonstrates range. It is a terrible song. Seriously, garbage. Josh is a great singer and this did nothing for him, except make him look kind of garbagey for singing such a dumb garbage song. Ugh.
Confession time: I am horribly uncool. I am not familiar with Drake’s music and I didn’t know the original, “Hold On, We’re Going Home,” when Christina Grimmie performed it last night. I just do not get Drake, you guys. He flew right on over my head and never looked back. If you have lost all respect for me, I’m sorry. But anyway…hey, I liked this! Christina’s version is obviously (I am assuming? I do not know?) very different from the original, but she sounded great. I am also hearing good things about it from people who are actually familiar with Drake, so I’m gonna say she did well.
Honestly, my biggest complaint about Christina Grimmie is her screechy speaking voice. I know it’s because she’s like, 12 years old and always excited, but every time she screams, “OH MY GOD THANK YOOOOOU” to a judge, I physically wince. But I digress. After Christina came Team Blake’s Jake Worthington, who has adorable cheeks. He sang a George Strait song called “Run” and it was nice if you like that sort of old school country, which I do not, but that’s neither here nor there. Jake has the county vote locked solid and he is basically unstoppable.
This brings us to the worst part of the evening…Bria Kelly. Oh Bria, Bria Kelly. What do I do with you? I just…sigh. I know she’s very young and I know she’s very nervous, but her rendition of Avril Lavigne’s “I’m With You” was bad. I mean baaaaad. She was shaky and off-key and what the hell is up with her phrasing, seriously? Who told her that making up new syllables for every word was a good plan? It is not a good plan, Bria. I am sure she will be in the bottom three tonight. It was just…no.
After Bria came some much-needed relief in the form of Delvin Choice. I know, right? Who knew? He sang Gary Clark, Jr.’s “Bright Lights” and I was all ready to press my fast-forward button, but the guy really wowed me. This was the first time I saw what everyone else has been talking about – and speaking of first times, how about finally getting a full song from Kristen Merlin? Unfortunately for me, she sang “Let Her Go” by Passenger, which I absolutely loathe, but she has a lovely voice. I hope she sticks around.
Someone we don’t have to worry about sticking around? Sisaundra Lewis. Is she amazeballs or what, I mean come ON. She sang Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherrie” and it was magic. Rainbows and unicorns and white doves and fluffy little bunnies and cats wearing top hats and Sisaundra Lewis: these are some of my favorite things. Watch and bow down, bitches.
Who were your favorites? My prediction for the bottom three is Bria, Tess and Audra, with Tess and Bria going home. Unless we can just send Rixton home instead. Is that an option?