I have a pretty solid constitution for scary movies. When I was a little kid, maybe five or six years old, my older brother sat me down and made me watch Poltergeist. Between 1985-1987, I probably saw that movie dozens of times. It should have been traumatic, but I liked it. I was, most likely, a victim of Stockholm Syndrome or something, learning to love the scary movies my brother tried to torment me with. But the point is, I don’t get scared by much when it comes to horror. Ghosts, witches, werewolves, aliens, demons, monsters, evil doctors, serial killers, guys in masks, guys with chainsaws, guys in masks with chainsaws – it doesn’t matter. I either like it or I think it’s gross/stupid, but it doesn’t scare me.
There are only three things that really, truly scare me:
- murderous children
- dolls that come to life
There is obviously a theme here. I cannot deal with things that are supposed to be innocent and joyful turning evil and killing people. I can sit and watch The Shining and Carrie and the original Halloween just fine – but growing up, I could not deal with the Child’s Play franchise. Talking scary doll? Forget it. I’ve seen every Stephen King movie (and read most of the books) except for Children of the Corn and IT. Because, no. NOPE.
So you can understand that I was dismayed when Ryan Murphy confirmed a looming fear of mine: the upcoming season of American Horror Story, themed “Freak Show,” will feature a character called Killer Clown. NO. NO NO NO. I will have nightmares, you guys. I refuse to stop watching, because I love this show, but man. I am going to regret it. I’m gonna be like:
In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Murphy describes the clown as “the most terrifying clown ever!” and then I cried for a while. He went on:
“I thought [the upcoming season] was going to be light but it’s turning out to be quite terrifyingly dark, which it feels much more like the Asylum season. But look — if you have a character named the Clown Killer, it’s going to be dark.”
American Horror Story: Freak Show will premiere this fall, wherein I will cease to have a good night’s sleep.