Hey guys, it’s time for your semi-live blog of The Voice eliminations. Tonight, we have last season’s runner-up Jacquie Lee as well as last season’s winner Tessanne Chin, both of whom I really like! You know who I don’t like? Rascal Flatts. They’re opening tonight’s show, which means I get to exercise my fast forward button early on. As I do that, let’s ponder who might go home tonight. I predicted that the bottom three would be Kristen, Christina and Kat, with the latter two going home. Of course, last week I was totally wrong, so who knows. But I did get one thing right: Jake Worthington is quickly revealed to be safe. Dude, this kid is going to win it all.
After Jake is declared safe, Carson Daly lets us know that you – yes you! – get to vote on the songs performed in next week’s finale. Oh, that’s a bad idea. Oh well. Did you know that your iTunes votes count toward the final voting? That means that we have one more week to download as many songs as possible for the final three. Well, that’s one way to sell music. Moving on – it’s Voice Confessionals time! Usher wants to be a magician named “Ooosher,” which I can get behind. Then we talk about Adam’s hair color again. My God, I have never seen people get so crazy over hair dye. IT’S HAIR DYE CALM DOWN PEOPLE. If Shakira could change one thing about herself, she’d get pornstar boobs. No one knows how to whistle, but everyone can catch a basketball. And that’s it!
Carson kills some time talking to the judges and Adam admits that last night was “an off night” for his team. YA THINK? Then there’s some weird analogy about bookends and it makes almost no sense, so I’m going to ignore it. Then Jacquiie Lee (I am still not over the way she spells her name WTF) is on to sing her new single, “Broken Ones.” It is very pleasant! It has a real Christina Perri feel. After the break, Carson chats with Jacquie and Tessanne and then Ed Sheeran is there, too! Carson actually says, “Talk about bringing fans and artists together in the Sprint Lounge!” which is pretty desperate, even for him. Quick poll: what’s more offensive, when Adam does his horrible Shakira Colombian accent or his horrible Tessanne Jamaican accent?
Last seaon’s Team Adam finalist Will Champlin is up next. Thing you don’t know about me: I hated this guy. He is actually wearing red leather pants and a glitter shirt. His single has the repeating line, “Burn dollar, burn dollar dollar burn,” which, no. No all around. Fast forward! After Will leaves, Carson announces the next safe contestant: Josh Kaufman! Hey, I was right! That means that Christina, Kat and Kristen will perform for the save. Only one will make it to the finale.
But first: Tessane Chin sings her new single, “Every Little Thing Reminds Me Of You.” Tessanne is lovely, you guys. Can she just win again? I like her so much. Following Tessanne is Kristen Merlin, who sings a country song I actually know! It’s Carrie Underwood’s “Blown Away” and I will confess, I really like this song. Kristen starts off sounding a little winded (no pun intended) but then picks it up at the end. Then, randomly, Kat Perkins also sings a Carrie Underwood song, “Good Girl.” Weeeeird. I know she used to sing country regularly, but I think it’s pretty stupid that she didn’t sing a rock song. Way to alienate your audience at the last moment, Kat.
Finally, Christina Grimmie sings for the save. It’s Carrie Underwood! No, just kidding. Although, Christina Grimmie could probably sing the crap out of “Before He Cheats,” no? But seriously, she sings One Republic’s “Apologize.” I initially said that Kristen would be saved, but Christina’s performance is the best by far. Adam does his usual thing where he totally chooses his favorite contestant and plays favorite in front of everyone and tells America to vote for Christina. He is such a jerk sometimes. Not even one minute into the live votes and I know he’ll get his wish. The live feed of tweets is about 70% for Christina.
Back from the break, Carson kills the remaining moments with words from Adam and Shakira. Considering that we just went through this, it’s kind of redundant. They have nothing new to say. It doesn’t matter. Christina is safe! That means our finalists are Josh, Jake and Christina. Team Shakira is out. In all honesty, I’m not surprised. The country vote had to split off eventually. So, what do you think of the finalists? The funny thing is, the best singer is probably Christina, but Jake and Josh are much more solid as potential successes. They know who they are – Christina does not. It doesn’t matter, though, because Jake has this thing in the bag.