This week on The Real Housewives of New York City, almost the entire hour was devoted to – okay, I’m not going to call it WaterGate. Let’s get a grip, people. It was devoted to the fight between Ramona and Kristen, which happened to take place in the water. It was actually about water as well, namely how Kristen “threw” water at Ramona’s precious hair. Someone really needs to tell Ramona that “throwing water” is called splashing. Also, Kristen only did that because Ramona was talking some serious smack about Josh, Kristen’s husband. Getting your hair wet sucks and all, but Ramona totally crossed the line and threw (this time “threw” is the right word) a wine glass at Kristen’s face. Her beautiful model face! Then the two women fought and screamed and cried and whined and complained and martyred themselves until I didn’t care what happened to either of them, ever again. It was, as they say, a mountain made out of a
mole hill blood blister.
Now, if you’ll indulge me, I’m going to tell you a little story. When I was a senior in high school, I was in love with a boy. Well, no I wasn’t, but I really thought I was and anyone who’s ever been a teenager knows that’s basically the same thing in terms of emotions. Actually, it’s probably worse. Unfortunately for me, The Boy did not love me back. In fact, The Boy started to date someone else, a friend, and I found out about it – of course – the night before the final presentation for my senior seminar course. It was a huge project worth basically my entire grade and it was in front of many local professionals, parents, teachers and even the principal. Three friends of mine were counting on me to deliver my part. So naturally, I spent the majority of the day crying and throwing up in the library bathroom. Teenage girls, am I right? So effing crazy.
Well, during lunch that day, I joined my friends as usual. Everyone knew I was pretty upset, but my one friend T…oh, bless his poor soul. In retrospect, I don’t know why I expected a seventeen-year-old boy to be sensitive to my broken heart. I mean, T had no clue. He was, by definition of all teenage boys everywhere, completely clueless. T didn’t know the extent of my pain. I mean, the girl that The Boy was now dating was a friend of mine. I was shattered. We’d seen Titanic in the theaters together and held each other and cried over Leo together. This was unspeakable betrayal. But my poor friend T, he didn’t know any of this. Which is why he stupidly asked everyone what they thought of The Boy and his new GF, right in front of me. And, okay, I was emotional. I was totally batsh*t insane emotional. So I reacted without thinking and threw water in his face. And then T reacted to that without thinking and threw whatever was in his hand at me. Thing is, it was nacho cheese.
So there I was, red-eyed and broken-hearted, my nice presentation clothes covered in gooey yellow-orange public school cafeteria nacho cheese. It was a bad day. I mean, seriously. It was a bad day. But you know what? It worked out. In the end, my dear friend took me off campus and drove to my house, cleaned me up and sneaked me back into the school without getting caught. My teachers were none the wiser and I ended up with an A on my presentation, despite spending most of the day crying instead of rehearsing. T and I made up and are still friendly today. The Boy and I are no longer friends, but I moved on and went to college and it didn’t really matter, you know? It’s a happy ending, really.
What’s the point of all this? People react. You don’t always plan for it and you don’t always do the right thing. Sometimes you just react. Sometimes you’re having such a bad time that you lash out and throw things at your friends. Sometimes you do something stupid and end up covered in nacho cheese. We all know that Ramona Singer is not having the best year. She also doesn’t like Kristen very much – is it jealousy? Competitiveness? Does she just think Kristen is annoying? I’m not sure (no, it’s definitely jealousy, who am I kidding?). Plus, she didn’t appreciate how Kristen’s husband was talking sh*t about her BFF Sonja in the middle of a dinner party. These are all valid emotions. Is that a reason to chuck a wine glass in someone’s face? No. But I can understand how it happened, you know? We all have our moments. But then you MOVE THE F ON. THE WORLD IS NOT ENDING.
The story I just told you is a story about children. We were high school kids. Ramona and Kristen are grown women with children of their own. At the very least, they should be able to both admit they were wrong and move forward. They should not be having the same reactions as oblivious teenage boys and emotional teenage girls. You got wet. You got hit with a wine glass. Suck it up, ladies. Ultimately, you will recover from your stupid bloody lip or your ruined blowout. Your friends are going to be there for you to clean the nacho cheese from your hair or hire an Elvis impersonator, whatever you may need. Your friends are what matter in the end. So shut the f*ck up already and enjoy yourselves. And also, Ramona? Get a better hair stylist, because your blowout kind of sucks.