Real Housewives

Real Housewives Of New York City: The Five Stages Of Getting Ramotional

Source: Bravo TV

Source: Bravo TV

This past week on the Real Housewives of New York City, the housewives (and LuAnn!) arranged an intervention for Ramona. A Ramonavention, if you will. Why, after so many seasons of watching Ramona behave like a self-absorbed, ragey old hag did the women decide that she finally needed a formal talking to? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because she finally got caught in a good lie. Maybe it’s because she seems to be growing fond of throwing things at people. Maybe it’s because they’ve just run out of things to do, so it’s time to gang up on Ramona. Who knows? But whether their Ramonavention was successful or not (spoiler alert: it was not) she definitely had it coming.

Ramona has committed many sins against her fellow housewives over time, but just in that one weekend at the Berkshires, she was guilty of quite a few. In just about 48 hours, Ramona managed to:

  • Insult Heather’s home (repeatedly) including calling it “a garage”
  • Complain about the amenities provided and not once thank the host
  • In general, act ungracious and overly demanding
  • Trash Kristen’s husband when Kristen was not there
  • Throw a glass in Kristen’s face because whoops, she was there
  • Nearly throw an oar at Kristen
  • Fly into an absurd rage over her hair
  • Plan to leave without telling anyone
  • Presumably fake a panic attack to get out of a hike
  • Leave without saying goodbye to anyone, including the host
  • Attend a party in the Hamptons that night, despite her supposed emotional trauma

It was, overall, not a great showing on Ramona’s part. It’s no wonder the ladies – even Sonja – were livid. Unfortunately, their anger didn’t help any of them act much better – save perhaps Kristen, who wisely chose to sit the whole thing out. But while Heather, LuAnn, Carole and Sonja may have tried to help Ramona see the error of her ways, all they managed to do was alienate her even more. Which, as we know, does no good for anyone. Ramona reacted the only was she knows how: defensively. In fact, it was such textbook Ramona, I don’t know why they didn’t see it coming.

It was, in essence, the five stages of getting Ramontional:

ramona-singer-rhony-1

Stage one: Confused silence

“So, how was Molly Sims’ party?” LuAnn asks, ever-so-casually throwing down the gauntlet. But Ramona looks as baffled as can be. She doesn’t understand. Party? Who? What? It’s clear she just has no idea what LuAnn is talking about…except that she does. And her stupefied silence just ends up making her look more guilty. Especially since they all know she went to the party – they have the pics to prove it. But Ramona keeps the stunned ignorance look up as long as she can – until it’s clear that she’s been caught red Lo-Fi handed. Note to anyone out there who leaves one party for another: don’t let people post your dumb face on Instagram.

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Stage two: I am above this conversation

LuAnn was right about one thing – she needed to be “Linebacker LuAnn” and block Ramona from leaving the booth. It was inevitable that she’d try to flee and LuAnn gets props for thinking in advance – because Ramona is notorious for this. Once she sees that feigning ignorance won’t get her out of the conversation, she tries another tactic: being superior. “I’m not talking about this,” she says, hands waving in the air. “No, talk about something else.” The thing is, you can’t just shut down a conversation when it doesn’t go your way.

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Stage three: Fly off the handle

Which leads us to stage three, the patented Ramona rage. It’s pretty easy for Ramona to go from her calm, rational voice (yes, she does have one of those) to screaming in someone’s face. We saw it in the Berkshires, where she went from zero to “WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD SPLASH ME!?” in five seconds and we see it here. “I was having a panic attack in the woods,” she says, and then immediately tells them all to go screw themselves. Then she screams a lot and makes a scene, because hey, why not?

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Stage four: Petulant child

There’s this thing Ramona Singer does and it baffles me. When she’s very upset, she squeezes her eyes shut and twists her face all tight until she’s red-cheeked and shaking. It’s a full-on toddler tantrum. She will shake her head back and forth, cover her ears, repeat, “NO NO NO NO NO” and stop breathing. It’s kind of alarming, actually, but also really funny? I don’t know. But she does it every time she’s confronted by someone. I have to think it’s her childish attempt to block out the bad people who are trying to take away her toys. Or her ability to lie about attending a Molly Sims party.

ramona-singer-rhony-5

Stage five: Phony reconciliation

When Ramona’s had enough, she does what many people do to get out of a bad situation: she lies. In this case, she agrees that she has an anger problem and perhaps would benefit from some therapy to deal with her issues. What does she really feel?  Well, not that. “Do I think I need therapy?” she asks later in an interview. “Not really. But you know what? Anything to get them to shut up and get off my back.”

Unfortunately for Ramona, that won’t likely end the conversation. Next week, we have more talk of Ramona’s issues – plus the return of Aviva and her disgusting father. Ugh. I’d rather get a glass thrown in my face.

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