Yes, I admit it: I am watching I Wanna Marry “Harry.” I don’t have any good excuse for it – I’m not getting paid to write about it, I don’t have a deep investment in the British royal family, I don’t even know all that much about Prince Harry. I just like watching train wrecks sometimes, okay? And I Wanna Marry “Harry” is definitely the biggest train wreck to hit network television in a long, long time.
If you’ve managed to avoid information about the show until now – well, first of all, congratulations. Secondly, let me bring you up to speed. I Wanna Marry “Harry” is a Ryan Seacrest Productions atrocity, airing Tuesday nights on Fox. The show, much like Joe Millionaire from the days of yore, is an elaborate ruse concocted to trap a bunch of idiotic, unsuspecting young women into looking like gold diggers on national television. They are flown to the United Kingdom, set up in a castle and told that they will compete for the heart of “Sir,” a nameless mystery man who looks a whole lot like the guy fourth in line to the British throne, His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales. In reality, “Sir” is Matthew Hicks, Totally Normal British Dude. Hicks has been coached on Harry’s biography and given some “princely” training. Along the way, the women are given various hints and nudges to support the idea that they’re actually dating Prince Harry – he has a full security detail, there are staged paparazzi, etc. No one ever says outright that he’s the prince – I’m sure they can’t, legally – but they do just about everything but that.
As the show has progressed, most of the contestants now fully believe they are dating Harry – in fact, as of last night it was down to eight believers and one skeptic. Anna Lisa Matias, current reigning Miss Los Angeles, still wasn’t buying it. Anna Lisa had a few issues with the so-called prince, namely that he didn’t have any freckles and his nose wasn’t right. She’s completely um, on the nose, if you compare images of Matt Hicks and Prince Harry. The former is pretty much a dead ringer for Harry except for the nose – he’s also lacking freckles and his teeth are missing Harry’s little gaps.
When Anna Lisa got a chance to talk to “Sir” alone, she grilled him. What does he do for a living? How does he spend his time? Matt cracked a bit under the pressure. His answers were pretty weak. He was like, “Uh, you know, I can’t really say…I have, uh. Commitments. Many charities and um, functions. You know, so hey, tell me about yourself!” He admitted in an interview that he kinda f*cked up. That evening, Anna Lisa was sent home.
“Sir” gave her the usual break-up BS – they don’t have the right connection, it’s just not working out, blah blah – but it’s pretty obvious that he wanted the lone nay-sayer out of the picture. Anna Lisa was a bit of a “mean girl” in the castle and some of the others complained about her overbearing, catty behavior. “Sir” took that as an opportunity to send her home with a good excuse. But I’m not buying it – and neither is Anna Lisa.
You know, she has a point.