As you may have heard, Fox has cancelled the ratings disaster I Wanna Marry “Harry” after airing only four episodes. The final four episodes went online Friday, both on Fox.com and Hulu, but I am here to save you the time and sanity. I’ve taken one for the team and finished the full season. I know, I know. I am truly a martyr. So, if you’re curious but not willing to lose four hours of your life for this sham of a show, I will happily tell you what happens. Uh, spoiler alert? If you care? Right. When we last left “Sir,” he’d sent home Anna Lisa, beauty queen and royal skeptic. There were about eight ladies left and I’m going to skip through some eliminations, because this show is ridonk and it doesn’t matter. Eventually, on a date with Kelly (the crazy royal fanatic from a small southern town, AKA the psycho of the show) “Sir” confirms to her that he’s Prince Harry. He says something like, “I am who you think I am, but let’s not dwell on it now, okay?” which is hilarious. I think they were afraid she would spend the entire date asking him questions about growing up as a royal. That night, the butler (and real star of the show) Kingsley, reveals to all the contestants that “Sir” is His Royal Highness, Prince Harry. I guess they can legally have someone else say it? Whatever. The girls FREAK OUT. Never in their wildest dreams did they ever imagine they’d be dating the Prince Harry. #cringe As time goes on, Kelly gets more psychotic and tries to sabotage all the other girls. It doesn’t really accomplish much, other than making her look like a certified crazypants. On a group date, Matt totally messes up and gets his “brother” William’s age wrong. This triggers early front-runner Rose to second-guess his every move and she figures out that he’s not Harry after all. Just like with Anna Lisa, Rose is swiftly sent home, but not before she calls him on his hoax. “I know you’re not Prince Harry!” she accuses and Matt’s quick to confess. I guess his guilt was getting the best of him and he was anxious to be honest with someone. “No, I’m not. My name is Matt Hicks,” he frankly tells her. Rose gives him a look like, “Oh you’re seriously nobody, wow,” and walks out, even as he leans in for a kiss. It’s HILARIOUS and I wish that Fox would put that clip up online because man. PRICE. LESS.
Matt Prince Harry “Sir” is down to the final two: Karina (total hottie who’s just in it for the title) and Kimberly (total idiot who just wants a guy who won’t cheat on her). Karina and Matt have a ton of chemistry, but she’s definitely all about becoming a princess. Kimberly was a favorite of Matt’s from the first few weeks and she seems like a nice enough girl, albeit a little low on the mental totem pole. In the end, Matt chooses Kimberly – BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE. Now comes the big moment, where “Sir” has to tell Kimberly that a) he’s not Harry, b) he’s not royal and c) he’s not even rich. WILL SHE STILL WANT TO BE WITH HIM?! Yes, yes she does. LOVE PREVAILS, YOU GUYS. BUT WAIT, THERE IS EVEN MORE! Kingsley has a surprise for “Sir” and his lady. Because she made the “right” choice and chose “love” instead of being angry that this guy’s been lying to her consistently for eight straight weeks, they get to split $125,000! MONEY PREVAILS, TOO.
And that, ladies and gents, is the end of I Wanna Marry “Harry” forever.