In case you were wondering, I am still really enjoying Bravo’s Ladies Of London. It’s got so many qualities of early Real Housewives, but with a new, interestingly cultural twist – plus, most of the Real Housewives wish they were half as rich and glamorous as some of these London cast members. On this week’s installment, battle lines are drawn between Caroline Stanbury and Caprice, with the American women left stuck in the middle. Well, except for Juliet, who’s happy to pledge her allegiance Caroline. Hopefully, she won’t sing about it this time. Even though things were more fun at Mapperton, this week’s episode laid the groundwork for what could potentially be a Jill Zarin/Bethenny Frankel scale war – and I love it. Let’s talk about what happened.
Caroline has a new puppet and her name is Juliet. She will literally do and say anything Caroline wants, and Caroline is loving every minute of it. Sure, she likes Noelle and Marissa too, but neither of them are really willing to turn their backs on Caprice. Juliet, however? She’s nothing but non-stop personal validation for Ms. Stanbury – and even though it doesn’t seem like Caroline is the type of woman who needs to be validated, she sure seems to enjoy it nonetheless. What she’s not enjoying is the way Caprice snubs the gang by heading back to London with Julie and Annabelle. It only adds fuel to the fire that’s been burning in Caroline ever since Caprice flipped out after the Fourth of July party – these two ladies are probably not going to kiss and make up anytime soon. Luckily for Caroline, she’s got £500,000 diamond and pearl bracelets and complimentary champagne at the Cavalli boutique to keep her happy.
Noelle’s accent is getting out of control, you guys. What is it, even? British? American? She sounds like when Dan Aykroyd did his Julia Child impression for SNL, I am not even kidding you. But other than that, she has a pretty good week. After returning from Mapperton, she and Scot finally move into their new flat. Scot even behaves like an almost-human, which is a nice change. Noelle then throws a charity event to benefit AIDS prevention. She seems to be very knowledgeable about the cause, but mostly she just seems to be concerned with cultivating a positive image of herself in the British press. Hey, at least she’s honest about it. Despite her efforts to remain friends with everyone, Noelle is probably digging herself into a hole with Caroline – she quickly runs to tell Caprice how mad people were that she left early. Of course, then she goes shopping with Caroline and Juliet, playing that side as well. This is definitely going to bite her in the ass eventually. Oh also, Juliet tells her that she dresses like a cheap hooker and Noelle doesn’t punch her in the face. Noelle might actually be a saint underneath that accent.
I feel kind of bad saying this, after everything that happened, but man this whole horse racing thing is boring. Maybe it’s because I was never one of those girls who loved horses growing up? I don’t know. But Annabelle spends a lot of time training with Mr. Fickle this week and I was so not into it. Horseback riding is just boring to watch, I’m sorry. Of course, I would rather stay bored than have what happened next – Annabelle is riding Mr. Fickle at about 45 MPH and then she’s thrown from his back. They were filming, but it must’ve been too horrible to show, because the camera cuts away before it happens. Next thing we see is a very, very injured Annabelle. The poor thing can barely move – she’s broken her pelvis. Whoa.
Julie (my new BFF) only makes a few quick appearances this week. First, she pops into Noelle’s charity event with Caprice. Not much happens, but she still looks cute. It’s quite touching later, though, when she makes her way to Annabelle after the horse riding accident. I don’t know if she’s experienced a riding accident before herself, or if she’s just naturally nurturing, but she’s very good in a difficult situation. Annabelle is lucky to have a friend like her.
Caprice is seven months pregnant. Basically anything she does right now can be rebutted with, “But Caprice is seven months pregnant.” And that is okay. It really is. Her erratic behavior, her heightened emotions, her endless and ravenous hunger…she’s pregnant, people – and while I’ve never been pregnant myself, I’ve certainly had enough pregnant friends to know that you just cannot blame them for the crazy. They are growing a person, after all. That’s bound to make you act a little crazy. So, I agree with Marissa that it’s alright for Caprice to head back to London early. She’s mad at Caroline, yes, but she probably also just really wanted to be home. Being out of town when you don’t feel well is the worst. However, I think it’s pretty sh*tty of her to ask Marissa to host her baby shower after snubbing Caroline over it. “But Caprice is seven months pregnant!” I know, I know…
Oh you guys, Juliet. She just doesn’t know when to shut her trap, does she? The morning after their night at Mapperton, the women gather in bed with their hangovers to discuss Caprice. They find out that she’s left early and are, understandably, a bit affronted. I mean, it’s definitely forgivable, but a little rude to check out without saying anything to anyone, right? A quick text? But still – forgivable. However, if you ask Juliet, Caprice has committed the worst sin known to man – that is, until Marissa defends her. Defending people is the super worst, because being nice isn’t “real.” You know, people who constantly have to mention how unapologetic they are for being “real” usually have something to apologize for. I’m just saying. Juliet’s like, “Oh, British women talk about each other, and that would never happen in America.” Um. It wouldn’t? Clearly, Juliet never attended high school. Or, uh, life. Then she makes Marissa cry by mimicking her (nice!) behavior at brunch. All in all, she’s got a nasty attitude and tries to compensate for it by saying how “true to herself” she is. Juliet is truly a moron, that’s for sure.
Marissa Hermer has an emotional week. After getting into it with Juliet in the hotel, she starts crying at brunch. Why would you cry at brunch? Brunch is wonderful, Marissa! Oh well, I guess even mimosas aren’t safe from Juliet Angus. She and Juliet fight it out, cry, leave, come back, cry again. It’s rather exhausting. I would say that Juliet is entirely to blame, but I also blame Marissa’s hangover. Everyone’s had the overly emotional, lack-of-sleep hangover before, right? Where you feel horrid and fragile and you just want to ball up and die? Just me? Okay. After getting back to London, Marissa has another emotional moment – becoming a British citizen. Her husband commemorates the occasion with effing massive Fabrege diamond earrings. I’m pretty sure they cost more than my car, and that’s before you transfer them into British pounds. But anyway, Marissa cries again. Fortunately, she and Juliet quickly make up at Noelle’s benefit – looks like having a friend who’s “too nice” can also work in Juliet’s favor.
Next week: Caroline throws a dinner party and everyone’s angry about Caprice’s baby shower.