This week’s episode of the Real Housewives of New York City was honestly pretty boring. Avery finally went to college. Carole turned 50 and had a party with waxed apples. Josh and Kristen went to therapy and accomplished nothing. Sonja got a dog, but also a devil. Heather gave a speech, but it was really just an email. Countess LuAnn broke up with her boyfriend and maybe stole Sonja’s – but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I think this week, more than any week, was full of fabricated scenes. The implication of LuAnn and Harry leaving to hook up? Fake. The airport scene with Avery? Fake. This whole week was ridic. But let’s talk about it anyway, because why the heck not?
The Time Sonja and Harry Bought a Dog
Sonja’s relationship with Harry Dubin (ex-husband of Aviva, ex-lover of everyone else in NYC) is heating up again. They were very serious when they were young, but he has problems with fidelity. He loves Sonja and Sonja loves him – I actually believe that. They seem to be so genuinely close. It’s clear that they care about each other very much. How serious are they romantically? Well, I don’t know. I cannot help feeling that everything is being amped up for the cameras. But maybe that’s just the cynic in me. Maybe Harry really is ready to show his commitment. After all, he and Sonja take the first big step: they buy a dog together.
The Time Josh and Kristen Went To Therapy
I have already talked a whole lot about Josh Taekman and what a world class douche bag he is. I am not doing to dwell on him anymore. But I have to mention that he and Kristen finally make it to couples’ therapy this week. Of course, it looks more like a loft apartment and the therapist looks more like a cast member from Million Dollar Listing, but hey. Maybe he’s legit (he’s not legit). Kristen cries that Josh doesn’t act like he loves her. Josh whines that Kristen doesn’t appreciate anything he “goes through.” In the end, they agree to communicate more. Well, that’s what they say: what they really mean is, Josh will tell her when he’s about to ignore her and Kristen will deal with it, if he gives her nice presents. Josh says, “If you’re a really good girl then you’ll get ice cream after dinner,” which is disgusting and I am so over both of them.
The Time Avery Faked Her Trip To College
Ugh, I am so sick of this Avery Goes To College plot. We get it. She’s going to college. IT’S NOT THAT INTERESTING. So, it’s apparently two days before Avery’s set to leave and she has nothing packed. Hah! Yeah, right. She and Ramona go through about 30 pairs of shoes she needs to bring. Avery is going to be so pissed when she sees how small a dorm room closet actually is, guys. Then Ramona and Mario “take Avery to the airport” and “send her off to college” and it’s the most ridiculously staged scene in the history of the Real Housewives franchise. Ramona fake cries. It’s a waste of everyone’s time, especially Avery’s.
The Time Aviva Almost Made Me Like Her
Aviva and her friend Heather (not Thomson) go to see a prosthesis specialist. Heather is a survivor of the Boston Marathon bombing, and she had to amputate her leg. As an amputee herself, Aviva reached out to Heather after the bombing and has helped her through the whole ordeal. She’s even working with the store to pay for the prosthetic leg. It’s very sweet and sad and it shows us the one side of Aviva that isn’t self-absorbed and phony.
The Time That Sonja Has A Devil
Sonja meets up with her sketchy ass “Christian Mystic,” Thomas John. Thomas John is never wrong, you guys. It was Thomas John who predicted that Ramona would go off the deep end – yeah, no one else saw that coming. Yeesh. Well, TJ tells Sonja that her money and home problems will “work themselves out,” which is terrible advice. Then he says – gasp! – there is a “contemporary devil” in her circle. It’s a brunette and it’s not Carole. Gee, who could it be?
The Time Carole Turned 50
Carole gets serious props for not only admitting that she’s 50 on television, but for throwing herself a party. Of course, she’s a super high maintenance diva about it – which is weird, because Carole is supposed to be the easy going one. But no, she wants a whole theme: “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.” She wants antique lace and candelabras. Black and white butterflies at every table. Headless mannequins and Spanish moss. Thousands of white rose petals and, of course, a snake charmer. The snake charmer doesn’t happen, but Heather helps pull the rest of it off (even if the butterflies are sort of dying in their cages). Regardless, Carole seems to be happy and she looks great!
The Time Countess LuAnn Stole Sonja’s Boyfriend?
Harry and Sonja are ready to take the next step. I mean, they bought a poodle. That’s a big deal. The only thing left to buy, of course, is a ring. Harry pulls Sonja aside and gives her one hell of a rock. “This is not your engagement ring!” he’s quick to say, but he does intend it to be a promise. He wants to commit to her and this is a sign to prove how much he loves her. It’s actually kind of sweet, even though again, I don’t totally believe it. They’re nice together, but they’re not going to get married. I also don’t believe that LuAnn (fresh from her break-up with Jacques) leaves with Harry. The producers sure make it seem that way, but I just don’t think she or Harry would do that.
You know what, though? Who cares. Next week is the season finale and AVIVA THROWS HER FAKE LEG AT HEATHER.