Game Of Crowns Recap: Apple Trees Don’t Grow Pears, But Lynne’s Still A Liar

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

Unsurprisingly, Monday’s episode of Game Of Crowns dealt mostly with the aftermath of last week’s drama. I suppose you can’t have someone threaten someone’s life without a little bit of backlash, right? The problem is, everyone is concentrating on Leha’s husband’s (alleged) threat against Lynne – something that decidedly did not happen. This is frustrating for me, because a death threat did occur. No one seems to care about that anymore, though? Now it’s all about Lynne, her made up stories and how everyone is spreading rumors around town. Let’s dig into the drama.

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

Who The Hell Has A Tea Salon?

The more I see of Lynne Diamante, the more I think she’s the most ridiculous person on this show. She tells us in an interview that she traveled a lot with her father as a child and their great tradition was to always have high tea. To honor this tradition, she’s built her own “tea salon” in her home. Of course she has. Well, let me clarify: she calls it a tea salon. In reality, it’s a bunch of tables, some streamers and butterflies hung limply around the room and a few “Cinderella” accents in blue and gold. It’s kind of like a really cheap looking Bat Mitzvah? I don’t know. It’s absurd. So, Lynne invites Susanna Paliotta and Shelley Carbone over for a tea party with their daughters. As Shelley and Lynne’s girls charmingly giggle and drink juice out of tea cups, Susanna’s daughter Isabella guzzles sugar and runs around the room, dancing and “just being Isabella.” Oh dear. Susanna invites the ladies and their daughters to a fashion show, which Isabella will be “headlining.” Can you headline a local fashion show? I don’t know. Bella will also be performing her “hit” single, “LOL.” The ladies all feign excitement. Once the little ones leave the room, they discuss all the drama from the Mrs. America pageant. Lynne insists that Nick threatened her life. No one calls her a liar, but Shelley says she didn’t hear him say anything like that. You know, because it didn’t happen. Then Susanna picks a “Made in China” sticker out of Lynne’s butterfly hair piece.

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

The Girl Can Talk – That’s All I Have To Say

Meanwhile, Leha Guilmette stops by to visit Vanassa Sebastian. Vanassa immediately  offers Leha a huge plate of baked good and pastries while saying how she’d like to lose about 15 pounds herself. “You look great!” “No, you look great!” goes on for a while. Then the ladies finally get to business: Leha’s husband and Lynne’s allegations against him. Vanassa says that she doesn’t believe Lynne’s story because they spent all night talking about what Nick said to them, and her accusation never came up once. Leha is hurt, especially because Lynne’s been her biggest supporter until now. Vanassa goes on to say that Susanna made another accusation as well – that Nick’s anger issues carry over to their home life. In other words, Susanna suggested that Nick is physically abusive. Leha is appalled and denies any such thing. Both Leha and Vanassa agree that Susanna cannot be trusted. I like how Vanassa is leaving out the part where she called Leha a mannish 40-footer who wouldn’t place in any pageant. I guess she forgot that part?

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

Show Me Your Sassy Face

Susanna Paliotta may be new to pageants, but Isabella is an old pro. She’s ready to “headline” the very prestigious Star Gazers runway show, something no one has ever heard of, ever. After winning everything she could possibly win, Isabella has retired from the child pageant world and is ready for the next big step in her career: modeling and singing. Can you just imagine how insufferable this kid is? Good lord. Susanna tells us in an interview that she and Bella co-wrote the “hit” single “LOL.” Two minds coming together, people. “LOL” is about all the haters who didn’t think Isabella would make it – but look at her now! Wow. When Lynne and Shelley arrive with their daughters, you can tell immediately that Shelley is horrified by the entire thing. “What happened to piano lessons?” she wonders. You know, if she wasn’t so mean and two-faced, I might like Shelley Carbone. The girls walk the runway and then Isabella – complete with magenta lipstick and a headset microphone to lip sync into – takes the stage. It’s just as bad as I expected.

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

Baton Twirling With His Knife

Leha wants to get to the bottom off these rumors. Who is spreading what about her husband and how can she make it stop? She and Nick meet Susanna and her husband Tony for dinner, and this is where things really spiral out of control. Susanna bats those big eyes and plays innocent. She just wants to move past this! She was Leha’s biggest supporter and went on and on about how stunning Leha looked at Mrs. America – ask anyone! Um, no. Leha is like, “Yeah, that’s great, but you also said my husband hits me.” Susanna flat out denies it. Cue edit to the scene in Arizona where Susanna says that Nick hits Leha. Thank you, editors! Unfortunately for Leha, she doesn’t have the benefit of this flashback. She’s starting to buy Susanna’s story – especially when Susanna goes on to say that Lynne implied long ago that Nick gave Leha a black eye. Throughout this entire conversation, Nick is twirling his knife in his hand, and it’s more than a little creepy. Luckily, there’s no stabbing.

Source: Bravo TV
Source: Bravo TV

You Were Also Called A Dude And A Manvestite

The time has come for Leha to confront Lynne. Why did she accuse Nick of threatening her life? Why did she say that Nick gave Leha a black eye? These are the questions looming over Leha as she meets her old friend for lunch. These questions are never answered. Lynne dodges every one, giving vague responses or deflecting entirely. At one point, she even tries to turn Leha’s anger toward the others. “You’re forgetting that everyone called you a 40-footer,” she says, like she didn’t say it as well. She tells Leha, quite cruelly, that her friends also said she was like “lipstick on a pig,” a dude and a manvestite. MANVESTITE. What is wrong with these women?!? That’s so mean and so ignorant and so wrong on so many levels, I just…wow. WOW. I am kind of speechless, to be honest. Did the women really say that? If they did, it was edited out of the show. Either way, it’s awful to hear. Poor Leha. Major props to her for not taking the bait – she doesn’t let Lynne turn the tables. In fact, she’s done with Lynne altogether. Lynne says she “will mourn” their friendship, but Leha seems to be more angry than sad. Good for her.

What do you think? Is Leha missing the big picture or is Lynne a blue-haired monster?

Posted by

Digital strategist. Pop culture junkie. Comic nerd. Bravo TV fan. Nap aficionado. Lover of fuzzy slippers, cardigans, decorative pillows, glitter, kittens, pie.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s