Project Runway: I Love The 90s

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

I’m just going to come right out and say it: the judges on Project Runway this season are completely batsh*t insane. They have lost their collective minds, I think, or maybe they’re just mentally displaced, like in a new space/time dimension or something. Maybe they are operating on an alternative plane of existence, or they’ve actually crossed over from the darkest timeline in order to wreak havoc on our normal sense of fashion. I don’t know if there’s a real, logical explanation for what is happening. This is, quite frankly, baffling. In the words of the great Tim Gunn:

Source: gif-able on Tumblr

“But there are no words in that gif!” you say to me. And yes, that’s my point. After watching the latest episode of Project Runway, THERE ARE NO WORDS for how unfathomably WRONG the judges are. They are so, so very wrong. You know how everyone always says, “I literally cannot even,” when in reality, they literally could? Well, this time I LITERALLY CANNOT EVEN explain the judges’ rationale for choosing this week’s winner. I have no explanation for it. I am completely, one hundred percent lost.

The challenge

But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s discuss this week’s challenge: in honor of Marie Claire‘s 20th anniversary, the designers are told to pull inspiration from their own lives – what was their personal style in 1994? Using that as a starting point, they must create a vision of Marie Claire fashion 20 years in the future – a look at the Marie Claire girl in 2034. To help get the ball rolling, the workroom is wallpapered with amazing #TBT-like pics from 1994. We’re given the joy of seeing not only the contestants, but the judges, each giving their best early 90s realness. A 14-year-old Zac Posen is a particular delight. Heidi Klum, of course, looks almost the same. Does she even age? How ridiculous. But the best part of this entire segment is when Marie Claire Editor-in-Chief Anne Fulenwider admits that she was into “grunge” in the 1990s and Tim Gunn yelps, “NO!” in horror. Oh, Tim Gunn, I love you.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

The drama

Oddly enough, there isn’t a whole lot of drama this week. I think after the stress of their first team challenge, the designers are just happy to be on their own and able to create what they want to create. The main point of drama really comes from within Angela herself, who continues to whimper and cry her way around the workroom like a kid on the playground who’s skinned her knee. “I’ve never been criticized like this before!” she says approximately 300 times.  What an insufferable whiner.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

The best looks

This week’s challenge was so broad, it could’ve gone in several different directions. For the most part, though, these designers looked into the future and saw a bleak, somewhat grungy wasteland. Not a lot of color, not a lot of skin. Perhaps that’s why the judges were so excited for Sandhya’s look – it had color and sparkle. Of course, it was also like really bad Judy Jetson cosplay, but hey. Whatever. So I know it’s crazy to even say this, but Sandhya had one of the top looks. Heidi thought it was a little too costume-y (ya think?) but Nina was in love. Is she trying to seem edgy this season? I just don’t get it. Also, I’m confused because Sandhya said she dropped the pockets so people could add a belt, but does she mean a belt over the tubing? I don’t understand. I just don’t understand any of it. Some piping (ugly, shiny, homemade Halloween costume pipe looking things) stuck onto what is essentially a simple shift? Okaaaay.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

There were other top looks as well, which actually deserved to be there. Emily put together an amazing jumpsuit and cowl combo. The cowl was seriously fierce on the runway and I want one right now. Gimme gimme gimme. Her entire look was futuristic enough to be interesting, but still fashionable and chic. Not for nothing, but it was also really well-made. The jumpsuit had a perfect fit. Kristine made it into the top three again as well with a dress and coat combo that took grunge to the next level. I love the cutouts on the sleeves of the coat and I love the boots as a nod to the 90s. It was a terrific update of the babydoll dresses from back in the day – and making it white added a nice pop.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

The worst looks

Although I think Sandhya belongs here above Sean, his look definitely has some problems. It’s poorly made (except for the hat – I like the hat!) and it’s all over the place stylistically. It just demonstrates a lack of creativity – and it didn’t represent anything futuristic or 1990s to me. In fact, it looked more 1920s than anything else. The judges basically hate it. Sean’s critique is nothing compared to that of Angela or Alexander, though. Angela’s attempt at “futuristic Wall Street” doesn’t make much sense to me. I like the idea of an updated suit, but there is nothing truly updated about it, save for the asymmetrical hem. Like wow, the hem is diagonal. That’s insane! No. This girl somehow survived on Wall Street. I don’t think she’d last a day with Michael Douglas, I’m just saying. Her construction is awful, her color is uninspired and also, I am so sick of her.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

Alexander should thank his lucky stars that the judges seemingly feel the same way about Angela – if they weren’t so tired of her poor performance, he definitely would’ve been sent packing. His potato sack of a dress looked like burnt AstroTurf – which I guess could be futuristic, if you’re thinking about the apocalypse? It’s truly awful, but not as awful as when Nina yells, “SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE’S COMING FROM PLANET OF THE APES – AND SHE’S ONE OF THE APES!” What does that even mean, Nina? Also, at one point, she says, “Houston, we have a problem!” and cracks herself up, like that joke hasn’t been embarrassingly played out since 1995. She should be ashamed of herself.

Source: Lifetime TV
Source: Lifetime TV

The results

SIGH. Sandyha wins. No really, I’m not joking. Does this mean she has immunity again next week? What is even happening? I hate to say that I’m going to give up on a show I’ve loyally watched for years, but this season is actually starting to make me kind of mad. Kristine and Emily should riot over these results. Thankfully, not every decision was quite so zany. In what can only be described as a mercy killing, Angela was given the auf and Alexander got another chance.

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Digital strategist. Pop culture junkie. Comic nerd. Bravo TV fan. Nap aficionado. Lover of fuzzy slippers, cardigans, decorative pillows, glitter, kittens, pie.

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