America’s Next Top Model: You Wanna Be On Top (Of Each Other)?

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

Even though the 14 contestants for cycle 21 of America’s Next Top Model were announced on the show’s official Facebook like, three weeks ago, I guess this week’s episode of ANTM was still somewhat worthwhile. We have 22 remaining guys and girls and even though they’re all pretty excited to make it this far, the anticipation of another elimination looms over their pretty little heads.

In the house, we have Ben, who’s dividing his time between “bro-ing out” with Adam and checking out Kari. Both activities will ultimately do nothing for Ben, as Adam is a waste of human space and Kari will never, ever sleep with him. But hey, at least he’s good at pull-ups. Also in the house is resident Wiccan Romeo, who still hates Danny for some reason. Danny is not my favorite, either, but this dude really has it out for him. Why? No idea. We get a flashback that shows us how Danny made a completely harmless comment about Romeo’s tarot cards, which I suppose was the impetus for this searing hatred. Okay, sure. Mirjana is Romeo’s sidekick and hates Danny as well, because why not?

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

The first challenge of cycle 21 takes place at midnight on the subway. Tyra’s shut down the LA Metro red line for these clowns, which I’m sure went over well with anyone trying to get home. Photographer Franco Lacosta is on hand to say crazy things and wear lots of eyeliner. He informs the contestants of their challenge: there will be four stops along their subway ride, one for each season – winter, spring, summer and fall. The contestants have to change to match the season at each stop, wearing at least three items of clothing from the selection given. Then, as the train moves on, they’ll take photos. If they don’t get back on the train in time, it will leave without them and they’ll be disqualified.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

After the first stop, Lenox is disqualified. Mirjana is cut as well because she only grabs a bikini, which is not three items of clothing. After the winter stop, only six models are left. Romeo is irate to learn that Danny is still in the running when he’s been left behind. Romeo needs to shut up, I think. By the final stop, only Danny and Matthew are left. Franco Lacosta declares Matthew the winner, though, so I guess we don’t have to worry about a complete Romeo meltdown just yet.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

Up next is the first real photo  shoot, where photographer Yu Tsai and judge and human troll Kelly Cutrone are on hand to crush dreams. Yu Tsai will, apparently, be the new Jay Manuel. I guess it won’t be Cory Wade Hindorff after all. I am bummed at the lack of Cory, but I am psyched about Yu Tsai – he’s the kind of bitch that this show needs. For instance, he tells porn star Barbie doll Jamie Rae that she’s dead inside. I like him a lot, is my point. Jamie Rae doesn’t do very well on her shoot, and neither does Ben or Adam. Farmer Josh (not to be confused with Farmer Chris) also sort of sucks. The girls seem to do much better overall, with Chantelle, Ivy and Shei all standing out.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

The last photo of the night is a group shot. Yu Tsai wants to create a tangle of bodies on the beach. Since they’re already dressed in strips of latex, it creates a dark and sexy work of art. Their limbs are, basically, everywhere and everyone’s main goal is to give great face. It’s a really cool shot, but I have to admit that I found it more memorable when Hannibal did it.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW
Source: NBC
Source: NBC

The judges – Tyra, Miss J, Kelly and Yu – all get together for some final critiques. Kelly and Yu seem to be on the same page for a lot of the contestants – they cannot take Danny seriously (agree) and think that Jamie is an empty vessel (also agree). Tyra is nicer, but things don’t look good for either of them. Everyone thinks Romeo and Lenox have a lot of potential (agree, grudgingly so in regards to Romeo) although the panel is torn on Will and Shei. Finally, they reach their top 14 and Tyra calls the models together for the news.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

There’s a bit of elimination trickery going on, though. Tyra calls two contestants up and only one is in the top 14 – but the other contestant rejoins the group. This way, no one knows for sure if it’s over until the whole thing is over. The safe models are: Chantelle, Will, Keith, Mirjana, Kari, Matthew, Lenox, Ben, Romeo, Ivy, Raelia, Shei, Adam and Denzel. That means Danny’s out, as is Jamie Rae. Danny is gracious, but Jamie is kind of a jerk about it, calling it a joke. Someone named Lindsey, who I’ve basically never seen, sobs embarrassingly into the camera. Farmer Josh goes back to his farm.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

Next week: the models wear nothing but silly string. Yep.

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Digital strategist. Pop culture junkie. Comic nerd. Bravo TV fan. Nap aficionado. Lover of fuzzy slippers, cardigans, decorative pillows, glitter, kittens, pie.

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