It’s been a while since we’ve seen the boochers and toochers of America’s Next Top Model – or at least it has for me, because I skipped the recap episode that aired on Halloween. If you skipped it as well, allow me to refresh your memory: after modeling with couture wings, Mirjana couldn’t cut it and got sent home. I am glad because 1) she was super annoying, and 2) I no longer have to look up how to spell her name every week. The remaining models – Adam, Lenox, Raelia, Will, Keith, Shei and returning contestant Chantelle – are all headed to SEOUL KOR-EE-AHH with Tyra and the gang. Oh, and Adam drinks a lot.
1. The models return from panel and immediately start packing for SEOUL KOR-EE-AHH, which we learn is an emerging fashion market. Adam yells for Chantelle to get some beer, saying he needs some beer to pack. Because he drinks a lot, see? A lot. The other contestants are concerned about his drinking because it seems to be a constant thing. Adam is definitely one of those guys who needs a beer to do anything. Keith especially thinks his partying is inappropriate for the competition.
2. Hey, you know what’s just occurred to me? Chantelle is 19 years old, so she legally cannot drink a beer with Adam. Lenox and Mirjana are also underage. I’m not naive enough to think they aren’t drinking, but I’m sort of surprised at how blatant it is on the show. Can the show be held accountable for this? You’d think Tyra would have something to say about it, since she’s so insistent on being a role model. Random, but it just crossed my mind. Whatever!
3. We’re still talking about Chantelle’s attitude problem, because Chantelle still has an attitude problem.
4. We’re also finally addressing the chemistry between Adam and Shei, because wow were we on the edge of our seats with that one or WHAT? They make out. It’s everything we’ve all been waiting for and more, except not more, because I don’t think they do anything more.
5. Raelia is getting the “I need to win this competition more than anything” edit, which means that she will either win this week’s top photo or tragically get sent home.
6. OMG are you serious? Chantelle actually says that she’s not there to make friends. Isn’t this statement banned from reality TV by now? Girl, you’re becoming a parody of yourself. Ugh. It’s so frustrating, because I think Chantelle is gorgeous and has such an amazing look. She could be an incredible model. But lord is she unlikable.
7. Despite their jet lag, the models are sent straight to work when they arrive in SEOUL KOR-EE-AHH (sorry, I need to stop). They meet Miss J. and Yu Tsai, plus about 300 members of a Korean boy band called BtoB. K-pop baffles me. But anyhow, the models are doing a dance/fashion show/photo shoot in front of a live audience. Lenox is worried about it, because she isn’t cool and doesn’t have the moves. The moves, by the way, consist of pretending to spin a steering wheel and then honking a horn. Pretty cool!
8. Adam is not doing very well with the dancing. Why? Well, he’s wasted. Yes, he got wasted on the flight, so now he’s too drunk and jet lagged to have any energy or hand/eye coordination. It’s pretty sad to watch, to be honest. Adam is a good looking guy, but there’s nothing attractive about a sloppy drunk. Also, he’s done a pretty good job at being a functioning alcoholic so far, so he must be really wasted.
9. The models are divided into two performance groups: Shei, Adam and Keith; Will, Lenox, Raelia and Chantelle. Shei and Keith are glad they’re not working with Chantelle, but they have to deal with Drunks McGee. It’s not easy. Both Adam and Lenox do pretty terribly, which is no surprise to anyone. Keith, Chantelle and Raelia all excel at the dance moves and Raelia wins the challenge. Will, who teaches dance professionally, is slightly miffed, but he’s happy to lose to his BFF.
10. House drama! Due to the lack of a Tyra Suite in their Korean pad, Chantelle claims the biggest bed all for herself. That leaves five singles and the couch. Adam doesn’t want to sleep on the couch, but he declines Shei’s offer to share a bed. Draaaahms. Shei wisely notes that Adam is hot, but not boyfriend material. She wants to focus on the competition. Cough-Mirjana-cough.
11. Adam is sad about his low challenge score. I’ll bet you can’t guess what he does about it? Did you say “gets drunk”? Oh my God, this show can’t get anything past you smart viewers. He’s red-eyed and slow, but watching him kiss his own photo goodnight is pretty entertaining. The next morning, it’s some hair of the dog and he’s ready to go.
12. Photo shoot time! They are at City Hall and posing with MCM bags (and also some inflatable animals, for some reason). The MCM creative director is on set with Yu Tsai to help critique, make sure the models are properly representing his brand, and wow us all with his tremendous German accent. “Vee are edg-eee. Vee are vor cool people.”
13. Also on set: Tyra! She’s their makeup artist. It just occurred to me that Tyra does their makeup all the time now because she has a makeup line for sale on QVC.
14. Adam. Drunk. Can’t pose. Drunk. Can’t run. Drunk. Can’t jump. Drunk. Bad photos. Drunk.
15. Will does really well on the photo shoot. He makes Yu Tsai proud, unlike Adam, the most embarrassing drunk on the planet. Raelia really struggles with the shoot, though, because she’s too sexy. The word “hookerish” is used and the rep from MCM says that she doesn’t embody what he wants their brand to represent. Ouch.
16. Keith also struggles because Keith always struggles. Yu Tsai yells at him a lot, which never seems to work with Keith, because he’s used to tuning out angry coaches. After forcing himself to loosen up, though, he seems to improve greatly. Keith has a wall up and he’s going to need to bring that down to succeed.
17. Another model with problems: Chantelle. She’s got permanent b*tch-face, first of all. Second of all, she’s allegedly changing her hair and makeup against the wishes of the artistic directors, something she is either lying about later or isn’t actually doing. My guess is the first, because lying about it totally seems like something Chantelle would do. But I have to support Chantelle on one thing – Yu Tsai calls her “panda,” which seems to be an affectionate nickname. However, it reminds Chantelle of how she was cruelly called similar names as a child. She vows to discuss this with him if she stays in the competition.
18. OH MY GOD, THE SEOUL KOR-EE-AHH JUDGES’ PANEL SET IS INSANE.
19. I don’t even know what to say about judging this week. Tyra, Kelly and Miss J. disagree on photos and keep raising scores to “make up for” someone else’s judgement. Okay, way to blatantly game the system. One thing the judges do agree on: Raelia sucked. Looks like she’s getting the “winning this competition means everything to me” edit because she’s heading home. Both Will and Keith get perfect 10s across the board.
20. Adam actually pulls off a decent photo, but Tyra calls him out for being drunk on set. Later during panel, Tyra smells alcohol on his breath. She tells him to watch his drinking, which is…totally anti-climatic. Nothing about how unprofessional it is to show up on set drunk? No? Okay, sure.
21. The bottom two: Chantelle’s attitude and Raelia’s oversexed body. Everyone wants it to be Chantelle who goes home, but predictably it’s Raelia. Aw, poor Will.