Arrow Recap: Reunited And I Still Won’t Kill You

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

It’s been a while since I’ve recapped Arrow, which means it’s been a while since visited the Oliver Queen Stupidity Index. Instead of taking the time to tally up every dumb thing Oliver’s done (frankly, there’s been a lot) let’s just go through the big pluses and minuses, shall we? Over the last few episodes, Oliver has gotten himself stabbed by choosing to fight Ra’s al Ghul (-100) and then almost died. Luckily, he didn’t die (+100). Unfortunately, he did not return to Starling and decide to do anything sensible. Instead he decided that the only logical move would be to team up with Malcolm Merlyn. Together, Oliver believes they can take down Ra’s al Ghul (-100). That is some stupid sh*t. He has not kissed Felicity once, even though she thought he was dead (-50) and he didn’t really even say thank you to his friends for trying to keep the city safe in his absence (-50). However, Oliver did have the good sense to tell Thea his secret and team up with her (+100). That starts Oliver off this week with -100. Harsh, yes. But fair.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

We begin this week back on the island, with Oliver and Thea training to fight. +25 for the nice family bonding – and another +10 to Oliver for not going too easy on Thea. It seems like he finally respects her as an adult and an equal.

-5 from Oliver for so easily going along with Malcom’s suggestion to train on the island. I mean, you can work with him, but there’s no reason to let him plan your itinerary, you know? He’s not to be trusted, Ollie!

Flashback time! OLIVER’S FLASHBACK HAIR IS OUT OF CONTROL. I’M SORRY, IT’S SO UPSETTING. -100

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

The flashbacks this week take place in Starling City, where A.R.G.U.S. has Oliver digging through Queen Consolidated’s files to help capture a shady business partner. This is super risky since, you know, he’s supposed to be dead and scary-ass Amanda Waller has threatened the lives of his entire family if he makes contact. +50 for Flashback!Oliver not running after Thea and getting her killed immediately.

Back on the island, Oliver is dreaming of Sara. Somewhere, Felicity is jealous. I don’t know whether to add or deduct points from Oliver for keeping Sara’s real killer a secret from Thea. On the one hand, she deserves to know what Malcolm did to her. Then again, it might crush her completely and she ain’t got much left. I will keep it even for now.

Hey, remember last year, when Oliver locked Slade Wilson up on the island instead of killing him? Remember that? Well guess what? I’ll bet you don’t see it coming, but SLADE WILSON IS OUT OF HIS CELL. -150 from Oliver for being SUCH A DUNDERHEAD.

-50 more for not seeing Malcolm Merlyn’s setup from a mile away. Ollie, you’re smarter than this.

Side note: how come Willa Holland gets a good wig budget, but Stephen Amell is stuck looking like Wayne from Wayne’s World?

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

More flashbacks…and it’s TOMMY MERLYN!!!! I MISS YOU, TOMMY! His big brother act with Thea is pretty adorable considering, ya know, he is her brother.

Second side note: Did you see Tommy Colin Donnell on The Affair? You should check it out.

Hey cool, it takes about three minutes for Oliver to get himself and Thea locked up in Slade’s prison. Good job, buddy. -50

Oh God Slade, shut up about Shado already. No points, but sheesh, broken record much?

Flashback time again! +150 to Oliver and his horrible hair for stealing the “For Oliver” file from his father’s computer. This ends up leading him to The List.

+40 to Oliver for being Felicity’s true soul mate. There’s no other way to explain how she could look at this picture and think that he’s cute.  No, Felicity. That is not cute. He looks like Dexter.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

+10 for that cute little smile he gives when he sees Felicity. N’awww.

-25 from Flashback!Oliver for chasing after Thea’s drug buddy, because he’s supposed to be incognito and he’s not even wearing a mask. But +15 for having the balls to kill the kid – something Present-day!Oliver should take notice of.

+30 for doing what needs to be done and snapping Thea’s arm. So much for treating her like a tiny, fragile thing, huh? Good escape!

Oliver decides to ditch Maseo and I really can’t blame him. Caring about A.R.G.U.S. and some bio-weapon must be pretty hard to care about after seeing what his friends and family have become in Starling City. Still a dick move, though. -5

Thea: “What the hell was that?”
Oliver: “It was a booby trap.”
Thea: “What kind of psycho would put that thing there?”
Oliver: “Me.” +10 because I LOLed.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

I changed my mind. I am glad that Oliver finally decided to tell Thea that she killed Sara. Yes, it will break her, but it will also protect her from Malcolm in the future. +100

Ugh, poor Thea. Her hair still looks great, though. No points, I’m just saying.

Okay, so here’s the thing: it’s pretty cool seeing Slade Wilson again. This is a great fight sequence between him and Oliver, back on the island like the old days with no fancy weapons or army behind him. But I am screaming like an idiot at my television for Oliver to just kill the motherf*cker and he DOESN’T DO IT. Why doesn’t he do it? Why doesn’t he let Thea do it? The dude will never stop. Remember when he KILLED YOUR MOM?? UGH, OLIVER. GROW A PAIR. -200

Sigh. So Slade is back in jail and not dead. Again. But +20 to Oliver for this murderous look when Slade mentions Felicity. It’s like he aaaaaalmost changes his mind.

Source: flyawa-y on Tumblr
Source: flyawa-y on Tumblr

+20 to Flashback!Oliver for going to help Maseo after all. It was the right thing to do.

This part has nothing to do with Oliver, but it needs mentioning: I am so glad that Captain Lance knows about Sara’s death. I am so glad that Laurel feels like total sh*t for keeping it a secret. And boy, I am so, so glad that Lance let her know exactly how irreparably she has damaged their relationship, because oh my God, she is a horrible daughter. Laurel, you suck. +1,000 unrelated points to the show for finally saying it.

Okay, back to Oliver. +50 for making Thea promise not to tell Laurel about Sara’s killer. I mean, Laurel is such a moron, God knows what she’d do, right? And +15 more for letting Thea tell off her dad. What a great moment. Thea is becoming quite the badass.

Source: The CW
Source: The CW

As for Oliver, he’s not quite as badass. He lands at -140 on the Oliver Queen Stupidity Index, which is quite stupid indeed. Perhaps it’s not fair that I’m making him pay for past sins, but hey, it’s my made-up game and I can do what I want.

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Digital strategist. Pop culture junkie. Comic nerd. Bravo TV fan. Nap aficionado. Lover of fuzzy slippers, cardigans, decorative pillows, glitter, kittens, pie.

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