Throughout the first two seasons of Vanderpump Rules, Stassi Schroeder served as the Regina George of SUR. She was “sorry not sorry” about the many harsh judgments of her so-called friends and she was always in the center of the drama. Even when the drama wasn’t about her, she was in it, you know? She was relevant. She had great hair and a perfect chin. Her superiority complex was easy to swallow, mostly because she was surrounded by complete f*ckwits. She really knew how to use statement lipstick to make an outfit pop. Basically, Stassi was the Queen Bee. But oh, what has she become?
After two years on the show and God knows how many drinks served, Stassi decided to leave SUR, and LA at large. Well, sort of. She relocated to New York because her real-life boyfriend Patrick Meagher (as opposed to Jax Taylor, her fake TV boyfriend) lived there. But within a year, she was back in LA – and back on Vanderpump Rules as well. Now, I have to admit something: for the majority of season three, I thought Stassi was only pretending to move back to LA. I was certain that the producers rented her an apartment and flew her in for eight weeks, or however long they film. Hell, she’s been on the show so rarely, she could’ve done a bi-coastal commute. So I did some deep investigating (I Googled for like, five minutes) and found that Patrick Meagher really does seem to work in California. There goes that conspiracy. But hey, can you blame me? Stassi has been all but useless on season three.
Did she go to Scheana’s wedding and cause a scene? No. Did she introduce her boyfriend Patrick to the show? No. Did she even bother to insert herself in the whole “Miami Girl” drama? No. She had lunch sometimes with that girl whose name I never remember. She stopped being friends with Katie, which was semi-interesting, but it only reduced her airtime even more. Most of her scenes were with Lisa, for God’s sake. Stassi. Was. So. Boring.
The final straw was during last week’s season finale. The show had been teasing a reunion between Stassi and Jax for weeks. There was a lot of build-up, but Stassi finally agreed to attend an anniversary party at SUR. I thought, “Finally! The confrontation we’ve all been waiting for!” And then…Stassi left. She just left, not even letting Jax see her. What an effing disappointment. Then we got a nice montage of how everyone hates Stassi and they’re glad to see her leave. Okay? Um. I don’t understand.
Why did Stassi even bother to come back? I cannot for the life of me understand why she’d do this. For someone so obsessed with herself, you’d think she’d know how it would look (desperate) and how she would end up (friendless and alone). I mean, she didn’t even properly pimp out her horrid line of statement necklaces. Is she that desperate for money? Is she bored? Did she think this would make her look good? Because dude, it didn’t. Last year, she left on her high horse, a badass bitch with a new life. This season, she ran away like a scared animal.
We were promised this:
and got this instead:
At least she’s still really good at statement lipstick.